That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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