Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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