her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
A bitchslap is in order.
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