But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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