so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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