Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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