If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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