nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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