Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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