just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When did angry sex become our thing?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
