Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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