U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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