I CAN MOONWALK!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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