The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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