We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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