So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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