hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
