haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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