I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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