Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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