There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
