Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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