I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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