First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
