That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
