I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
