oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
