it's too hot outside to masturbate.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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