is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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