she was so not down for the gang bang
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So many bounce houses so little time
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
