turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
