Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
A bitchslap is in order.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
