Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
