Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
