"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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