I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
