I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
