After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
