I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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