I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
