so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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