left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
