you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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