I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
