Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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