Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
