my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
