Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
