Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
