She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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