I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
