Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
