I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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