need another drink. this is the easiest way
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
babies were throwing up all over the place
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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