I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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