I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
