My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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