Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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