ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
