When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
