On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
