Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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