I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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