Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
