you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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