if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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