You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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