Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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