dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
