Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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