And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
