True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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