Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
