your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
