yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
