Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
