so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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