1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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