i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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