I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
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coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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