at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
