This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
