she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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