he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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