I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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