Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
