You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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